Checking In

I started blogging here a few years back and then moved over to the blogger site.

My active blogs currently are the whatnot shop and Mouse Tales Press Blog. I am also now involved in the creation of the NotBobbers, a website that is being developed by writers who participated in Robert Lee Brewer’s My Name is Not Bob Platform Challenge of April 2012.

I do plan on updating my profile here when I get a free moment.

Thanks for stopping by!

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Paper Addiction

I have finally figured something out after all these years and I’m ready to admit to the truth. My name is Linda and I am a paper addict.

I’ve had this obsession since I was about seven years old (actually, it was probably before then) and my parents used to take me to Standard Brands for household paints – you know the kind of paint – to paint walls with.

Only Standard Brands had a separate section with fancy papers – big pads, small pads, charcoal paper, watercolor paper, and journal books – and pens with large tips, small tips, and… oh, those calligraphy tips… that I salivated over.

I kept myself occupied, trying out each pen on the notepad samplers hanging near every pen cubby, while my parents shopped for eggshell white or off-white to paint the living room walls with.

Every time I went to this store, I interrupted my Mom’s color decisions by begging, “Please, please, can I have this paper and this pen?”

Then after giving in to my pleading, she would march me outside into the gray skies of Seattle where I would open my new pad of paper, drawing strange faces that I found hiding in the trees or amidst the wrinkles in shirt fabric.

I would then soon after write down every thought of every painful experience that I saw in my early life, making up poems about how I buried my heart in my backyard or stories about pencils that I watched come to life as I sat in my classroom.

Later, I graduated to high school art class. There I earned a spot in the glass-walled room where I could pick any photograph that I wanted to paint and create it the way that felt right to me – and do it all, not on canvas, but on paper.

My art went on display at a local mall and my parents longed to have me carry on by becoming a professional artist, but my heart had already told me years earlier to take a different route. It was back when I was about eight years old, I was in a school play in which I played a horse or some animal that I don’t even remember.

What I didn’t get at the time was that it wasn’t the acting, but the holding of that script in my hands that fed my yearning. How could I not have understood that at the time?

Today as I was driving up the 14 Freeway with the beat of techno drums vibrating my car, I realized with a panic, that I had left the house without any paper. What would I do to occupy myself for the next hour while my daughter took her horseback riding lesson? I needed something to scribble on.

I started feeling shaky at the prospect of not having any paper to write my thoughts on.

Don’t I have anything in this car that I can write on, I wondered.

My daughter usually has her journals strewn about like crumb trails through the forest. I was once as careless with my journals, but have finally learned after all these years to keep them confined to five or six different shelves at various corners of my house.

But no, I had just cleaned my car and there was nothing… no papers, no journals, nothing.

Wait. The directions to the horse ranch where we were headed. Yes, that’s it. It has about one and a half pages to scribble notes on. I can write really tiny, I convinced myself.

This banter with myself helped me to realize why that box of papers sitting by my computer is still sitting there. It’s paper.

All my life I have longed for more paper. Paper to read, paper to draw on, paper to write on, and now it was being given to me without my asking. It was coming to me free of charge in my mail box.

Oh, lucky me! To be given paper without asking. And what’s more, this paper was already covered with words.

And what’s more than that, I could cut out each word from this assortment of paper samples and create my own collage of feelings put together by the thoughts of hundreds, perhaps thousands, of other earthlings like me.

What an amazing art piece I could make, all from this pile of paper referred to as “junk” mail. To think, I have always only considered it my job to tear this paper up and throw it into the recycling bin.

So next time I long for a place to scrawl down my thoughts as I drive off into an adventure with children in tow, I can simply pull off onto the side of the road and find free paper to jot my thoughts onto… you know those free local newspapers or hotel guides that you can find at any Denny’s Restaurant along I-5.

And the next time, I think to curse the businesses who send me piles of paper day after day after day as wasteful, I will thank them for giving me what I have longed for all my life. Paper – a place to put my thoughts.

(For more about paper, please visit my other blog)

Do You Have the Time? Then Read My Other Blog Post!

Do You Have the Time?

Earlier, I mentioned that I would be posting occasionally as a guest writer on another blog. I have just posted my first one on the subject of time management ideas for busy moms and I would be ever so grateful if you would pay me a visit there.

(On a side note, I love this photo. It seemed so appropriate to the subject of Deliberate Creations with the general feel-good energy it radiates).

Thanks for reading. I hope to see you again soon!

Spreading Wings

Spreading Wings

I’m spreading my wings, branching out, whatever you want to call it. And I hate to be cliche about it, but that’s really how it is.

What does all of this mean? I was offered an opportunity to be a guest blogger on a particular site, which created a necessity for me to have a “Blogger” account. Thus, I created my new blog that will give me more freedom of subject matter.

I’m excited at the prospect at getting back into blog writing. I hope to see you there!

Be Careful what you Wish for

Wishing for a Magic Wand?

I was irritated one night when my whole family needed something from me all at once. Even the dog was following me around for food, attention, or whatever she could get.

As I mumbled under my breath, “Grrrr…. everybody needs me,” I suddenly started smiling. My smile then turned into a chuckle.

“Everybody needs me!”

Of course! How lucky I was that everybody needed me! What would my life be like if nobody needed me?

It was my choice to be irritated or to be thankful – and being thankful was a much more pleasant feeling.

A while ago, I was doing a self-study of memory through the analysis of the people I had kept in my heart over the years. A few of them had no memory of me and some had very different recollections of our relationship than from my memory.

While doing house cleaning, I came across old heart-warming photos and letters from some former friends. And since my dad, friend, and father-in-law died, I have made a point of trying to be more open with people about my feelings which prompted me to look up these people, although one of them made the initial contact to me.

When I contacted some of them, I got an assortment of unexpected responses.

The one person I’m writing about who contacted me? That person that I knew in my early 20s left a huge imprint in the formation of my personality, but obviously had very dissimilar recollections of our time together.

Another person didn’t remember who I was.

And yet another did not recognize me.

I began to wonder if there were people from my past that remembered me who I had no recollection of and as soon as I wondered it, of course the situation appeared in my life to answer my question and give me a taste of both sides.

There have been other people from my past with whom we picked up where we left off, but this isn’t about them. It’s about being remembered. And when I found myself not being remembered – at least not in the way I expected – it wasn’t upsetting to me, but more so an eye opening experience that left me pondering certain topics and questioning if I am unmemorable, and if so, why.

I realize that I’m more of a thinker than a talker; “people watching” is one of my favorite activities. I was always quiet and somewhat shy as a child. The pet name my dad had for me growing up was “Mouse.” Add all of these factors up and it makes sense that not many people remember the “quiet girl.”

Additionally, I remember producing a play years ago in which one of the crew came to me after attending several meetings to admit to me that each week, he thought I was a different person. Apparently, I changed my hair and clothing to the point that I looked like another person to him. It was not intentional on my part, but definitely a curious experience.

What it comes down to is this. Some of the people I hold in my heart and am forever grateful to for helping me to grow spiritually … well, they don’t even remember me. And some things in my life didn’t turn out exactly the way that I wanted them to.

I can add up all of these experiences and be upset, hurt or bothered or I can choose to make the best of the situations and be thankful for what I have. If nothing else, the difficulties give me spiritual growth.

In conclusion, I have to add that, while I’ve always considered myself to be “happy-go-lucky” or a “look-on-the-bright-side” person, I do have my share of moments when I feel like giving up.

It’s during those times that I remind myself of a couple of favorite sayings: “Be careful. You might get what you wish for,” and thank you to my friend, Cari, for her saying, “I didn’t get what I wanted. I got what I needed.”

There are NO Accidents

Panda as Teacher

(This was originally posted on-line on November 16, 2008)

Something is stirring inside me. It has been for a number of days but I’m having so much trouble getting past the emotion and letting the words come out.

I have so much writing to do but I feel like it’s coming out in a jumbled mess. Still, I feel a need to post this. I hope I won’t read it tomorrow, slap my shaking forehead while asking myself, “Why did I post that?”

There are things floating around in my unconsciousness which I’m trying to avoid, but my body won’t let me… the fires and the empty space yelling out at me – you know the one where my dad, my friend, and my father-in-law now sit.

Today is the birthday of one of them which, I suspect is why my energy is off. It’s also hard to avoid the subject knowing that I will soon be sitting in a room with many others who are missing them as well.

This morning we left to take my son to a baseball party today and I was overwhelmed when I saw the acres and acres of burned hillsides. We saw an empty lot where a house once stood. It added to my jumbled state.

Flash back to a few nights ago when I had one of those dreams that are so life-like that it felt like a message. In my dream, I was being given a gift of Himalayan Pink Salt because it helps to “maintain good health and prevent aging” the gift-giver said. Here’s more information if you would like to read about it (I just picked a random site. I bought mine at Whole Foods):

Himalayan Salt

Then this past Friday, I took my kids to see Kung Fu Panda, which sounded like a cute movie. It was more than cute though – I loved it and the lessons it was trying to teach.

There was one character in the movie, who kept repeating… (I’m sure many of you have heard these before but I love them every time I hear them)…

“There are no accidents.”

And another:

“Yesterday is history,

Tomorrow is a mystery,

Today is a gift, that’s why it’s called the present.”

And another:

“The secret ingredient is that there is no secret ingredient; there is only believing that there is one.”

So that was weird, first a dream about a Himalayan “product” and then a philosophical Panda story…

I have no more commentary. My writing circuits are fried and I still have at least 2,500 words to pump out tonight for my project. May the panda bear be with you (and me) and show us all the will power inside.

I hope this jumbled mess all made some sort of sense…

The Panda

Pandas are white and black bear like mammals found in the forest areas of west central China. Their coloring holds the energy of polarity. The panda reminds us to broaden our vision and not get caught in one side or the other. For those with this totem personal challenges relating to polarized concepts are common. Past life ties associated with the light as well as the dark forces is also indicated.

The giant panda grows to a length of five feet and weighs about two hundred pounds. It feeds almost exclusively on bamboo and is able to grasp the young stems and leaves of this plant with the aid of a special thumb like structure on its front foot. In metaphysics the thumb symbolizes will power. The panda teaches us that anything can be accomplished if the desire is strong enough.

Although the panda feeds on bamboo its digestive system is that of a carnivore and so the animal is unable to digest cellulose, which is the main constituent of bamboo. Consequently, the panda must consume enormous quantities of bamboo in order to obtain from this plant the nourishment it needs. Panda medicine people often develop problems with their digestive system so extra care is advised.

Pandas have a lumbering gait on the ground but are agile tree climbers. They prefer being up high watching what is happening on the ground below. From this vantage point the panda is able to maintain a spiritual connection with the seen and unseen forces.

Pandas live alone except when breeding, indicating a solitary lifestyle. Those with this medicine will be happiest when living by themselves. Relationships can be acquired and maintained but only if a partner respects the need for privacy and sacred space. Although relationship issues are common for those with this totem a panda medicine person will be forced to rely on their intuitive voice for nourishment and guidance. This aids them in developing a deeper understanding of who they truly are. From the perspective of spiritual growth this understanding is a fundamental requirement for the soul’s evolution.

Some might say that panda medicine is full of difficulties and others may see its true value. Whichever way you choose to perceive this ally one thing is certain. The panda is a powerful teacher. All that is needed by the student is a willingness to learn.

Panda Bear

Love and Details

What happened to feeling less busy when the holidays were over???? I still have my Christmas tree standing in my living room. Yes, it’s minus the decorations, but hey, I hoped to have it taken down by now. I’m feeling inspired to get rid of clutter and redecorate, so after painting my hallway today, I went shopping.

While I was in search of new pillows and bedding, I found msyelf behind a car with a license plate that read, “WNTSHPN.” I was busy trying to decipher what it meant and when it finally hit me, I reached for my camera but the car was gone before I got the shot. It’s forever in my mind though.

What would you think that meant??? “WNTSHPN”?

I finally decided it meant, “Wants Happen.” I thought that was so cool and the person driving the car must be a fellow deliberate manifester.

Or maybe not…maybe it meant someting entirely different to the owner of that car, but to me it was a message… a reminder that yes, “Wants Happen” … when you focus on what you want.

Next stop, a shoe return at the sporting goods store. I was thinking about how I need to clean the car… it’s dirty from driving it 1200+ miles. But then walking back to my car, the sun was hitting the driver’s door in just the right way because I swear the fingerprints in that vacation dirt spelled out the word “Love.”

I sat down ready to drive but then thought, “I wonder if someone actually wrote that or if that word just happened?”

I got out of my car and looked again to find that “Love” had been created by amazing randomness. The fingerprints swirled in the right positions and the sun hitting the door together spelled out this word for me to see.

Wow. I wish I had taken a picture in that moment because at the next few stops, I looked again on the door and the word had vanished. I’m thankful that I was lucky enough to catch it though when it did happen. It made me feel like someone is looking out for me.