Be Careful what you Wish for

Posted: April 16, 2009 in Uncategorized

Wishing for a Magic Wand?

Wishing for a Magic Wand?

I was irritated one night when my whole family needed something from me all at once. Even the dog was following me around for food, attention, or whatever she could get.

As I mumbled under my breath, “Grrrr…. everybody needs me,” I suddenly started smiling. My smile then turned into a chuckle.

“Everybody needs me!”

Of course! How lucky I was that everybody needed me! What would my life be like if nobody needed me?

It was my choice to be irritated or to be thankful – and being thankful was a much more pleasant feeling.

A while ago, I was doing a self-study of memory through the analysis of the people I had kept in my heart over the years. A few of them had no memory of me and some had very different recollections of our relationship than from my memory.

While doing house cleaning, I came across old heart-warming photos and letters from some former friends. And since my dad, friend, and father-in-law died, I have made a point of trying to be more open with people about my feelings which prompted me to look up these people, although one of them made the initial contact to me.

When I contacted some of them, I got an assortment of unexpected responses.

The one person I’m writing about who contacted me? That person that I knew in my early 20s left a huge imprint in the formation of my personality, but obviously had very dissimilar recollections of our time together.

Another person didn’t remember who I was.

And yet another did not recognize me.

I began to wonder if there were people from my past that remembered me who I had no recollection of and as soon as I wondered it, of course the situation appeared in my life to answer my question and give me a taste of both sides.

There have been other people from my past with whom we picked up where we left off, but this isn’t about them. It’s about being remembered. And when I found myself not being remembered – at least not in the way I expected – it wasn’t upsetting to me, but more so an eye opening experience that left me pondering certain topics and questioning if I am unmemorable, and if so, why.

I realize that I’m more of a thinker than a talker; “people watching” is one of my favorite activities. I was always quiet and somewhat shy as a child. The pet name my dad had for me growing up was “Mouse.” Add all of these factors up and it makes sense that not many people remember the “quiet girl.”

Additionally, I remember producing a play years ago in which one of the crew came to me after attending several meetings to admit to me that each week, he thought I was a different person. Apparently, I changed my hair and clothing to the point that I looked like another person to him. It was not intentional on my part, but definitely a curious experience.

What it comes down to is this. Some of the people I hold in my heart and am forever grateful to for helping me to grow spiritually … well, they don’t even remember me. And some things in my life didn’t turn out exactly the way that I wanted them to.

I can add up all of these experiences and be upset, hurt or bothered or I can choose to make the best of the situations and be thankful for what I have. If nothing else, the difficulties give me spiritual growth.

In conclusion, I have to add that, while I’ve always considered myself to be “happy-go-lucky” or a “look-on-the-bright-side” person, I do have my share of moments when I feel like giving up.

It’s during those times that I remind myself of a couple of favorite sayings: “Be careful. You might get what you wish for,” and thank you to my friend, Cari, for her saying, “I didn’t get what I wanted. I got what I needed.”

  1. Rebecca says:

    I enjoyed your entry and thoughts about how we are influenced by others and how they might (or might not) remember us. In my family I was the middle child who was very good at disappearing and I realize that I have had to learn to speak up and make myself noticed as an adult because I am so very good at blending into the woodwork. Which is not a good trait when you’re an artist, and are supposed to be promoting your work!